Stinging Words - Jace's Point of View
by Cayah
Summary: "And Clary - Clary is your sister." / "Stinging Words" - an oneshot from Jace's point of view of the situation at Renwick's, when he finds out, that Clary is his sister. / The action takes place in the first book of The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare, "City of Bones", starting at chapter 23, "Valentine" (p. 439, McElderry Books). Hope you enjoy! :)
1. Stinging Words

**Valentine - Jace's Point of View**

_An oneshot from Jace's point of view of the revelation at Renwick's, parted into two chapters. (Suggestion for this scene from: _moonstone07_) Enjoy! :)_**  
**

* * *

„That's enough, Clary! Don't talk to my father like that.", I blurted, not wanting to hear her ranting about my father any longer. I didn't understand why she would refuse to believe us so stubbornly. Finally, all of us could be happy. Both of us had their parents back. She – the mother she missed for a long time, who was supposedly kidnapped, possibly dead. Me – the father I spent the first part of my life with, whom I was certain I lost many years ago. And now he was back. Whole and alive and _there_. _With _me.

"He's _not your father_!", Clary burst out, slapping me mentally. The words stung. I _knew_ that it was hard to believe – I could not believe it myself either, at the beginning. But Valentine – my father – he spoke the truth. He had proofs.

"Why are you so determined not to believe us?", I asked her. Somehow, I understood that she could not believe my father so easily. After all, the past weeks she was convinced that he had kidnapped her mother just to get a hold onto the Mortal Cup. But she didn't have to believe him, why couldn't she believe me? Why was she so dead against the simple idea of Valentine being my father? What were her reasons? Was it because of the things he supposedly did? But he tried to explain everything to her, she just wouldn't listen! Why did she despise the possibility? Why didn't she want to realize the truth in our words?

"Because she loves you."

My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't believe what my father just said. Clary… loves me? I looked at her in astonishment, catching her horrified gaze locking into mine. My incredulous joy gave way to the concern. Her face was pale, with the cuts and the blood covering her skin she looked like a ghost, yet beautiful, with blood-red hair and blazing moss-green eyes. But where she looked like a determined warrior just minutes ago, she now resembled a scared prey, chased by its predator into a blind end. I didn't understand why. Yes, it was obviously surprising that she could love me, but I had deep feelings for her as well… I didn't understand the horror reflected on her face. Loving somebody, loving _me_… this should have been a good thing. Now, we didn't just have our parents back, but we had each other, didn't we?

"She fears I am taking advantage of you," my father continued, leaving Clary still speechless. "That I have brainwashed you. It isn't so, of course. If you looked into your own memories, Clary, you would know it."

Still a bit dumbfounded I started to get up, her name – the only word in my mind and on my lips. I wanted to go to her. Embrace her again. Tell her that she didn't have to fear these mindless assumptions, tell her that I haven't been brainwashed, that "I-"… loved her, too.

"Sit down," I was interrupted by my father and I was obedient, sitting back on the chair. The astonishment about her feelings still dumbfounding me, I just heard my father call me by my name and Clary asking, if I had lied about that, too. _Lied? I haven't lied to her, ever. She should know, that I'm not the type of person to lie about important issues. Neither about my name. _ So I rectified it,"Jace is a nickname."

"For what?"

"It's my initials. J.C."

As concern and disbelief darkened her eyes, I started to worry – she looked as if she might be about to pass out. She looked even paler now, a little bit greenish at that, too. Her next, barely audible words startled me; how did she know my full name? When I was about to ask her, my father interrupted us once more.

"Jace, I had thought to spare you. I thought a story of a mother who died would hurt you less than the story of a mother who abandoned you before your first birthday."

_A mother who abandoned you…_ Now these words stung. I wanted to clench my hands into fists. Once again I couldn't believe my fathers words. Well, I could but this time I just didn't want to. I had a mother who abandoned me spontaneously, voluntary, not because of the death's claws, reaching out for her too early. She was a woman who abandoned me, leaving me all alone, thoughtless of a children's needs, leaving me without a mother's warmth, her care, her love. And then there was me, just days ago being all alone, an orphan. And yet I had a father. I had Clary. And… "My mother is still alive?" I asked astonished.

"She is," my father confirmed. "Alive, and asleep in one of the downstairs rooms at this very moment." _What? N-no. No._ "Yes, Jocelyn is your mother, Jonathan. And Clary – Clary is your sister."

That was when all hell in my mind broke loose.

* * *

_That was part one. Hope, you enjoyed it! _

_Leave me a review or a suggestion of another Oneshot from Jace's POV :)_

_Anyone here also excited about the screen adaptation of COB that's coming out this year?  
_

_What do you think of Jamie Campbell Bower as our Jace? :)  
_


	2. Stinging Thoughts

**Stinging Thoughts**

_The second chapter of the Oneshot. It starts with some quotations from CoB until that 23rd chapter, can you quess which scenes I picked? :-)  
_

_Enjoy! :)  
_

* * *

_"Declarations of love amuse me, especially when unrequited."_

* * *

_"Not everyone wants you all the time, Jace."_

* * *

_"There's something about you that's so –"_

_"Irritating?" _

_"Unsettling."_

* * *

_"Valentine had a son?"_

_ "I was speaking figuratively."_

* * *

_"Everything we need to know is locked up in your head, under those pretty red curls."_

* * *

_"My father's dead. I don't need dental records to tell me that."_

* * *

_"I wish you'd stop desperately trying to get my attention like this, it's become embarrassing."_

* * *

_"You want me to hold your hand?"_

* * *

_"If you wanted me to rip my clothes off, you should have just asked. A little sweet talk works wonders." _

_"I'll keep that in mind." _

* * *

_ "Do all the girls you meet fall in love with you?" _

_ "It's not love…"_

* * *

_"I could put you to sleep. Tell you a bedtime story."_

* * *

**"To love it to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed."**

* * *

_"Either way, we're on our own."_

* * *

_"How about the greenhouse?" _

_"Now? At night? Won't it be – dark?" _

_"Come on. I'll show you."_

* * *

_"Do you remember your father?" _

_ "No. He died before I was born." _

_"You're lucky. That way you don't miss him."_

* * *

_"Do they bloom every night?" _

_"Only at midnight. Happy Birthday, Clarissa Fray." _

* * *

_"We should go. Too bad – we were having such a scintillating conversation."_

* * *

_"Don't worry. It wasn't that memorable for me, either."_

* * *

_"Didn't I read your tea leaves, Shadowhunter? Have you _fallen in love with the wrong person_ yet?" _

* * *

_"Why is it that the first thought in my mind when I saw Abbadon wasn't for my fellow warriors but for _you_? I knew something was wrong. But all I could think about was you…" _

* * *

_"You look so much like him."_

_ "Like who?" _

_"Like your father."_

* * *

_"Clary, what are you doing here?" – "_I came for you._"_

* * *

_" Why don't you ever _think_?" _

_ "I _was_ thinking. I was thinking about you."_

* * *

_"Clary. Short for Clarissa? Not a name _I would have chosen."

* * *

_"Why are you so determined not to believe us?" _

_"Because she loves you."_

* * *

_"Jocelyn is your mother, Jonathan. And Clary – Clary is your sister."_

* * *

_Because she loves you._

_Clary is your sister. _

* * *

She loves you.

Your sister.

* * *

"That's not true." I whispered. "There's been a mistake. It couldn't possibly be true." I felt the color drown from my face. _This_ couldn't_ be true!_ Clary can't be my sister; I just didn't want to believe it. The thoughts, the memories, they were overflowing me, drowning me; every second spent with Clary was manifested before my eyes. Every shared word, every shared touch, every shared feeling. Those shared feelings weren't what siblings shared. They weren't what family shared. They were the feelings two people shared with each other and no one else. It wasn't possible that Clary was my sister. This… would be despised. It would be scorned. It would be called outrageous…

"It isn't possible." This one sentence flashed through my mind repeatedly. "Clary isn't my sister. If she were…" … then I would have known. When I was with her, when I simply thought about her, I couldn't think of her as a sister. I didn't have these brotherly feelings towards her as I had towards Isabelle. My heart – am I really just thinking that? – didn't understand what already made me loose my mind, leaving me devastated and still unbelievingly.

Out of the corner of my eye I made out a movement and when I realized it was Clary coming over to me, I jerked away from her. I couldn't bear it, if she touched my right now. All I wanted was to touch her. And_ that_ was as well all I _wasn't allowed to do_. _Not if she was my sister._ My hands were clasped in the soaked tablecloth – when did I knock the wineglass over? I didn't know and I didn't care. My mind was spinning; my eyes were racing back and forth, aimlessly, finally locking into the wet cloth. My lips were trembling; my mind was screaming that this had to be a lie. I didn't resemble the boy I'm used to be. The Jace everyone knew was an arrogant, confident and sarcastic bastard, showing barely any emotion, but after I met Clary, I started to open up. And now, when I was finally hoping to become close to someone, to really _be_ with a girl instead of giving up on them after a few days, when I finally began believing that to love doesn't necessarily mean to destroy, that girl is supposed to be my sister? This just couldn't be right!

"Tell me it's not true", I pleaded, wanting to hear her confirm that it wasn't true, that she wasn't my sister, that we'd have our _happily ever after_. My heart was racing, my hands started sweating. I was waiting for four words. Four simple words that would make the pain in my chest stop. That would set my mind on ease. That would let me breath easily, instead of choking on that lump in my throat. It. Is. Not. True. Instead I got four words that pushed me over the edge into the abyss, bringing me to the verge of despair.

"I can't do that."

Everything around me became blurred as my heart caught up with what was happening. Clary, the one I… I _loved_… she was my sister. The thought made me sick to the stomach, I didn't want to believe it, it was so… final. All these years I've been hiding from such feelings through my endeavor of building and holding up the wall around my heart, always remembering that to love is to destroy. And now I learned it the hard way, experiencing it firsthand. This feeling… it destroyed me. Once Clary appeared, that hard built wall was starting to break, letting my feelings rise to the surface, just so I could be finally slapped in the face for ever believing, that I could be happy for once. And now I was left broken, just like the hunting falcon.

I heard Clary raging, again ranting about my father. I hid my face in my hand, not wanting to meet the eye of my father and even less Clary's. I tried to stop her from insulting my father half-heartedly; my words were muffled, as I spoke against my own fingers. I listened to the conversation going on between my father and Cl- my sister, not getting the actual point as my mind was still spinning.

"…he has a family. He has a father."

A noise erupted from my throat, no groan, no sigh, no hiss… I moved my hands away from my face. "My mother –" …left me. She left her own child behind, she never tried to contact me in any way… she must have hated me. I heard my father speak about how he was hunted and how… _my mother_… ran away, even though she was pregnant with another child. Clary. My sister. I groaned inwardly.

"…we can use the Portal. Go to Idris. Back to the manor house." My father suggested and I nodded absently, I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying, all I knew was that Idris sounded okay now. Just as everywhere else. I didn't mind. "We'll be together there, as we should be."

Would I be able to do that? Constantly living around the woman that abandoned me years ago and the girl I fell in love with, who is my sister? And could she do it? My father said she loves me. How was she dealing with the situation? How come she didn't seem to be as devastated as I was? Maybe she didn't really love me? What a stupid question, of course she didn't. Not even my own mother loved me, why should anyone else do it. She confirmed my thoughts with her words, saying that she wouldn't accompany us, neither she nor her – our – mother.

Nevertheless I chimed in immediately. Just as much as I won't be able to stand being around Clary without the chance to touch her in Idris, I couldn't stand to go there without her, having to leave her here, constantly in danger and not being able to save her, to protect her. No, this would be even worse. I would spend nights and days thinking about her, about what she was doing currently, asking myself if she's being attacked right now… "He's right, Clary. It's the only place for us to go. We can sort things out there."

I didn't mind where we would be going but I knew that I couldn't leave Clary behind. Not now. _Not ever._

_The End._

* * *

_Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading. :) _

_Don't kill me because of the thousand quotes, I just wanted to incorporate some flashbacks of their "relationship". :(_

_Leave me something, maybe?  
_


End file.
